Who Makes Your Heart Smile

Came across this on the PTFPP site (thanks Aunty IV):

"Don't go for looks; they can deceive. Don't go for wealth; even that fades away. Go for someone who makes you smile because it takes only a smile to make a dark day seem bright. Find the one that makes your heart smile."

Family Weekend

Nice weekend: Car wash with Analina -- (hardly so far, but gota do more of this!) it feels real good! Lunch buffet @ Nikko as usual and alot of home-stuffs! This weekend, LG is just finishing up the kitchen wall part - almost getting rid all of the last pieces of wallpaper! Maybe, we can do some beach a little later.. AK & KTY brought Martin, Matthew and Marque to Gun Beach, sounds like alot of fun!

The Sale is Final

KH-ah, I got some answers yesterday, from erm above.... hehe noh, it just came to me. Okay, tell me what you think: Now, its not a question of whether it is a 'brilliant piece of art' or 'just another piece of drawing' - the fact is, someone has bought the painting, paid the purchased price, the sale is concluded - hence the sale is FINAL (no 60 days or any day! money back guarantee), and now it is hung nicely on the wall in a very warm, cozy, clean and safe place call HOME. Should anything else matter anymore?

Not only that, but the painting now has a companion, and is not alone hanging on the wall. There is another photo of a very pretty young girl smiling with her heart and she will be someone who would grow up to be a compassionate leader. (I have gotten too carried away with the need for "one-stop-source-of-happiness" from the other half, I have forgotten the bigger goals that I have established in life, goals that are not just about me - dreams that I have promised to fullfill in the name of God) ... I need to forgive myself, move-on and not cont to condemn myself ..

Nightmare

When time stands still.. I see the a dot between now and 2002, it's not a straight line, but a dot which connects the two. So much so being myself now, feeling much of the past, I am not getting nightmares!!!! So exposed and yet I now realized what a protected zone I had been in for the past 3 years.

My Caring Angel

The Person Who Cared For Me From All Angles .... With Her Hands, Sweat, Love and Compassion - I Wouldn't Have Been So Well If I Didn't Have You

Okay, this time I was really really very sick - couldn't quite get up from the bed with the drowsiness. And you know, lately ... been blur blur .. the emotional wave typhoon! Anyways, called Mom next day, but hey at least I remembered to transfer e-angpao to her last week, phew! The usual RM$388, I hope that's not less than last year. Luckily got blog, hehe...

The One

"There is someone out there who is the perfect match for you, the way you are for him too - just the way you BOTH are. Where no undue compromises need to be made - where you both share the same heart and soul. But in order to find that person, I think you need to find yourself FIRST ... this journey will not be easy, it will be very painful and exhausting .. but it will be worth is at the end.." --- remembering this, I will ..

No Anti-Biotics Pls

What a horrible last week, and weekend! That mean mean mean flu bug! Shoo-shoo! Go away you nasty little bug! :) So happy I am feeling better now. As much as I would like to remedy myself in all areas, I really dont need the flu .. let alone the weak bones! But also trying to recover without the antibiotics... gosh I am sooooooo afraid of those bionic tablets - totally very sensitive to them - very much allergic! I gota reboot! Let's see, its end of April ... still couple more days to try do something useful ..

Mom's Birthday

Woe, close to missing it! Usually I dont, really --- very focus esp Mom or Dad's birthday but recently had been a real spin for me in the head. Nevertheless still in time for it. And I always forget how much I pack the previous year but good to have a blog! So I am doing the same 388 for her this year, this time its online! --- Yeah, just coz I didn't have the early planning!

---- Terrible sick and drowsy, didn't call! Sorry Mom, but at least I did it first thing in the morning! And hey, go get your money!!!

My Break

I am so glad I found my break. Its like breaking the fever.. now I can sweat it all out (cry it all out).. YF thanks for prescribing me the medicine... I owe you much more than any money. I totally scrap my heart out, and thrash it out for a good look. So much so for losing myself, losing oneself.. I saw my shadows facing me -- why isn't it behind me.. It's not about the crush, it was never about the crush .. but I would still crash. So, now I have to do something about it, acknowledge the problems and improve the situation. I know I can do it .. I just have to face the situation and start talking ...

My Outlet

Really gota deal with the roots. I am so happy to have my buddy with me, just her mere existence helped me to be me a great deal. Though its been good long years we're lost touch -- its probably the right time I fill in the gaps, and stop denying myself what truly makes me happy inside. I am so thankful I have an outlet that I can fully trust to share with all my deepest thought and from there I can help disect the issues one by one, starting from the 'forgotten' past. At the same time, I came to realize and accept that what may seem like a problem were just symptoms that I have to deal with. Tomorrow I will feel better.

Online Happiness

Got my PC back this morning .. gosh, can't imagine how miserable I was last few days though I try to boost some happiness - read a book, cont with chores.. but no happiness like being online!!! Is this my life? Heck if it is, I'd just stay online!!!

Time Bank

Got this in my mail this morning, as usual these are one of the good ones and Id like to share.. hope its OK, I really don't know the original source...

"Imagine there is a bank that credits your account each morning with $ 86,400. It carries over no balance from day to day; allows you to keep no cash balance; every night deletes whatever part of the balance you failed to use during the day. What would you do with such an account? Draw out every penny, of course!!! Every one of us has such a 'bank'. Its name is TIME. Every morning it credits you with 86,400 seconds. Every night it writes off as lost whatever of this you have failed to invest to good purpose. It carries over no balance. It allows no overdraft. Each day it opens a new account for you. Each night it burns the records of the day. If you fail to use the day's deposits, the loss is yours. There is no going back. There is no drawing against tomorrow. You must live in the present -on today's deposits. Invest it so as to get from it the utmost in health, happiness and success! The clock is running. Make the most of today!! And make it a great week ahead!!"

Losing Grib

It's been more than a week now and I have been in and out, up and down. I have been unwell. I am losing grib but I am getting back on track and the next moment when I am all by myself, having those peaceful moments, I am lost again. Wonder how long this will go on .. it's gota have an end.

Follow Your Heart Or Mind

I never really knew we could run our lives without following our feelings. I remember years back when we're teenagers, there's always this question about following the heart or the mind..? Can't imagine it has taken me so many years to truly see the fine line .. Joel Osteen: It's OK to have these emotions, we just dont have to act on it ...

Nihon-go

OK - revisiting what are do enjoy doing, something I wanna accomplish. I seemed to have brushed this aside since 3 years ago. There were of course many reasons why I didn't do it .. so this time I am going to mark today, to pick up speed with the language and told some people about it so 'em sui tak' hehe.. I will give myself 3 years and do whatever it takes! Next week have to drop by UOG make some enquiry, check on me!

Gaining Momentum

It's the 6th day since I got back and I have to gain back the momentum - otherwise crush and crash. It hasn't been very successful but today I sure do start to see some light at the end of the tunnel, esp after talking to AC about the biz - kinda puts me back on track and snap back to reality.. Except, I still haven't gain much control of the situation, the light - it goes off and on a couple of times in a day leaving me with much stress somehow .. Buck-up Fiona, you've only got few more days before the end of this week to fully recover! -- Yeah, my own timeline.

Wake Me Up When Sept Ends

Yes, I feel like a dreamer, I feel like I needed to dream, to sleep and dream - for I dont want to face reality for now. Why am I do to deny and stable and secure life?

Green Day: Wake Me Up When September Ends

Summer has come and passed
The innocent can never last
Wake me up when september ends
Like my fathers come to pass
Seven years has gone so fast
Wake me up when september ends
Here comes the rain again
Falling from the stars
Drenched in my pain again
Becoming who we are
As my memory rests
But never forgets what I lost
Wake me up when september ends
Summer has come and passed
The innocent can never last
Wake me up when september ends
Ring out the bells again
Like we did when spring began
Wake me up when september ends
Here comes the rain again
Falling from the stars
Drenched in my pain again
Becoming who we areas my memory rests
But never forgets what I lost
Wake me up when september ends
Summer has come and passed
The innocent can never last
Wake me up when september ends
Like my father's come to pass
Twenty years has gone so fast
Wake me up when september ends

Source: AzLyrics

Precious Friends

Last week had been overwhelming.. getting a few wake up calls, snapping to reality, life questions following the joy of simply good ol' friends.. I may have stayed online with buddies and the like, its never quite the same being able to spend precious time with them..

Ruling Over Emotions

:Joel Osteen: You dont have to follow your feelings... you need to be dicipline and do the right thing inspite of how you 'feel'.... Feelings can run our lives.. upsite down.. its truly easier to follow your emotions/feelings..... let your flesh have it all its way. But do we want a mediocre or a victorious life? Self control means we are exercising 'restrain'........... RESTRAIN, RESTRAIN, and RESTRAIN ... If we quit letting feelings dictate our lives, we can avoid so many problems... think about the relationships that can be ruined if we live by our feelings.. You need to do what's right whether we like it or not.. We gota do the right thing, esp we dont feel like it...It's natural to feel things but we dont have to act on it .. "The other side of the grass is always greener... but dont forget it still has to be mowed"... Love is not a feeling, love is a decision...

The Crush

Crush and crash ... will I let myself crash into the dark woods.. is it worth it? Matters of the mind.. I need to find some peace, come in terms with myself, connect to what's missing and treat my wounds from there.. YF, thanks for showing me the way. I must focus on tackling the real issues in hand that had open up the doors for a destructive crush and crash situation.

We're Better Together

Jack Johnson: Better Together

There is no combination of words
I could put on the back of a postcard
And no song that I could sing, but I can try for your heart
Our dreams, and they are made out of real things
Like a shoebox of photographs with sepia tone loving
Love is the answer
At least for most of the questions in my heart
Why are we here and where do we go
And how come it's so hard
It's not always easy and sometimes life can be deceiving
I'll tell you one thing
It's always better when we're together
Mmm, it's always better when we're together
Yeah, we'll look at the stars when we're together
Well, it's always better when we're together
Yeah, it's always better when we're together
And all of these moments just might find a way into my dreams tonight
But I know that they'll be gone when the morning light sings
Or brings new things for tomorrow night you see
That they'll be gone too, too many things I have to do
But if all of these dreams might find their way into my day to day scene
I'd be under the impression I was somewhere in between
With only two, just me and you, not so many things we got to do
Or places we got to be, we'll sit beneath the mango tree now
Yeah, it's always better when we're together
Mmm, we're somewhere in between together
Well, it's always better when we're together
Yeah, it's always better when we're together (mmm)
I believe in memories, they look so, so pretty when I sleep
And when I wake up, you look so pretty sleeping next to me
But there is not enough time
And there is no, no song I could sing
And there is no combination of words I could say
But I will still tell you one thing
We're better together

Lyrics from: Complete Album Lyrics

Lost Soul

Having some deep thinking last few days and really wanted to explore my true feelings where I stand today. I realized I've gone through quite an adaptation for the last 3 years.. quite a training to seperate my own needs, own directions.. perseverance to try what I wont normally do, patience for virtue.. do what needs to be done, live within a set of rules -- it had been tough yet easy to follow the routine because all things were set out for me, I just needed to walk the path .... But for a moment now, I do feel I have lost myself... For a moment, I saw myself standing there turning back moment in time, standing where I stood 3 years ago .. when life is within my full control but heading no where .. When time stands still, I am exposed to all possible emotions ..

Unique Turn

Fiona, fiona, fiona .. what happened????? Gota really knock some senses into my head this time. Okay, at least I manage to get up 6.30am --- it's about time I get back to my routine - make breakfast, prepare ANA's lunch and snack. Last 2 days weekend was pretty bad .. fatique all over but I figured I am not going to let this ruin my week - buck up or get lazy? Better just refreshen up so we can keep moving! However of course, since my last posting, I must say things in life took quite a unique turn .. but I have to steer back to my original direction.. mind, mind mind.. matters of the mind.. how much time do I need?

The Wedding

Putting on the bridal gown at David's Bridal.. gosh .. such overwhelming emotions and mixed stress and joy. I still don't think I can go through it .. yes, a little dissapointed with my lack of commitment attitude.. but I gota be honest with myself ..

Precious Moments

Words cannot describe the feeling of regaining the lost comfort that I suddenly have in my hands now. Simply being with people who can allow you to be who you are brings back an ocean of joy and happiness I am not sure if I could handle. I know I wont be able to get over this in the next couple of days but I also know life has to go on ...