I Will Do It

Good news is, I am a fast learner! Yeah, my mis-judgment was short-lived, thank God! Although it didn't last too long and I didn't dwell into it, but I think I still need to eliminate it once and for all ... God's been gracious and He showed me the way.. I promised to be obedient and listen (not just hear) his words ... But this is just the beginning ... first learn the word, but next to practice it 365 days a year! It's OK - I am determined, I will do it! How ..? I have no idea .. because even with little reading now, there's like soooooo much to change, sooooooo many aspects to consider, with sooooo many differing situations .. but I trust in God and ask for His help, for I am willing to be the person He wants me to be, to do His Will and not my own.

Don't Want To Criticize or Judge Others

Since a few months back, I told myself - from now on I make a promise to myself, I will not criticize, condemn or complain as recommended by Dale Carnegie. It's an ambitious goal - obviously I wont be able to do it overnight all at once but I know if I start now, I will get there. I was very committed to it, and I noticed since then, I have been very cautious about my views as to not let it lead to criticism, or complains.. I think I did pretty well and even became happier, except today I realized lately I am allowing my differing views (esp basic values in life - values I cannot understand why others do not adopt) start to build into criticism or complain - and its almost as if I can't help it because I could not understand others could not understand! I told myself not to judge and fought hard against it, but I think my mind analysis process functioned so well it almost lead to criticism. I was comparing the situation with my own views-or the general view and it could not match up, and I am so very guilty of it! Although I did not mean any harm and infact meant good, with all good intention to try and help others, but I have allowed myself to judge others based on my own standards. But the good news is, its only for a short moment before I raise up and knock some senses in my head to really differentiate between 'trying to help' and 'criticizing/judging' ... I am glad that I am aware of this today and vow to do better next time - remembering that, I really don't have to judge anyone but instead judge myself and 1) lovingly forgive others for any wrong-doings and 2) offer help them in anyway I can ~ as Jesus inspired.

Secret Untold

Today, tonight .. its almost as though I've learned a secret - so much so untold for so many years, and its now whispering in my ears ... As JL and I talked about life and marriage and God, it came to me that, I now why KW and I never got married .. because He knew I was not ready to be that helper, that good Help-Meet. If I realized how wrong I was, and I realized that I need to make a change and then go make that change, I think there's no doubt He will send me to KW - to be his other half. People have always asked me why we never got married, and I ponder about it too, never had any answers, even KW himself we looked at each other just attributing it to reasons like 'similar age-not ready, career, not ready financially or mentally - whatever legitimate reasons we may have' ... but that's really not it. We were so good together, doing things together, enjoyed each other's company so much .. and yet its not meant to be. And I settled for that explanation though - 'not meant to be' .. but what does that mean really? I don't know. You just have to give yourself some sort of concluding answers somehow and I accepted that, but deep down, I know its not a good answer. I know now that God is gracious, that He will give us our desires of the heart much more than we even desire it, if only we listen, obey and learn to be that good WOMEN He originally design us as, and actually go out and be that good Help-Meet. Often than not, we would think -- "as long as I dont physically harm others, as long as I do my own things and not interfere with others, as long as I do my own things well etc etc my conscience is clear and therefore I am a good person" -- and I was brought up to know that we should live life that way too, but what I discover now is, that's not good enough. We have to truly repent, see (sometimes we really can't see, so pray for Him to open up your eyes) and admit our mistakes, seek God, know His plan for us, listen, obey and do His will - which includes honoring and obeying your husband.

Mini Church - Thanksgiving Gathering

MC Family get to gather for Thanksgiving at the Constantinos home in Dededo. We also shared the night with their family - and extended/in laws as well as with some other friends. Sang songs of praise with the Madrids and each one taking turns to talk about what they are thanksful for! Our menu for the night as below - thanks to the Constantinos for always welcoming us into their home! And esp for all the friends there who's ever supportive of us as a family and as individuals. We are very thankful to our fellow MC Family who never gave up on us, and always caring for us just like family.

Turkey with stuffing - Setiadis
Mushroom soup - Constantinos
Cranberry sauce - Constantinos
Mashed Potatoes - Luis
Green Beans - Setiadis
Brussel Sprout - Kohs
Pumpkin pie & another pie - Lams
Dinner rolls - Lams
Beverages, appetizers - Constantinos
Ham - Constantino In-Law

Created To Be His Help Meet - A Thankful Spirit

Chapter 3 - A Thankful Spirit:

1. Thankful people have a view of life that begins somwhere deep in their souls, and outside circumstances just cant mar their joy. To them life is a wonderful, continuous dream come true. All of life is blessed, and they see themselves as being in a continual feast .... Joy begins with thankfulness.....
- I want to be that kind of person! The author highlighted how we can learn from this lady who was smiling ear to ear, telling her how thankful she was to have her own plac ... how her husband made the shelf, to store stuffs, build a cabinet .... little little things ... I think this would be a good starting place for me ...
2. Practice Makes Perfect - I like this idea ... practice to have a merry and thankful heart ...

Maybe It's Not That Tough

So... reflecting on my latest approach to marriage - perhaps it's not that tough after all and I think its all looking good - moving towards for the better! As a matter of fact, I feel much joy bits and pieces here and there! Maybe its the beginning of a very fruitful relationship! Definitely positive change and influence happening in the house - and its no magic .. just faith, trust and commitment to do it God's way .. to be that 'help-meet' who would be that suitable helper to meet the needs of the other half ... :)

Less Dependency on Prescription Drugs

This is definitely something I want to work on - and I am thinking of making this my personal quest .. but not just for me .. for my little family. It's been bugging me ever since... ever since I got here, but I think I am seeing some light at the end of the tunnel! May or may not work out but I have to try it out .. one thing for sure though, there's no easy way out! I have to increase my knowledge on how best to use alternative medicines.

Swallowing It All

So yeah, its been tough -- every little thing, just to focus on being that helper who would meet the needs of the other. Whatabout my own needs? Who would be my helper? It didn't seem important -- although and since the plan is, I would have to just do what I was designed to do and God will take care of the rest - perhaps inc. my own hearts desire. Yes, that must be the key, but I need to trust and have faith, esp. when making all these changes do not bring about overnight results.

Created To Be His Help Meet - A Merry Heart

This must be a tough one! Chapter 2 - Have A Merry Heart

Important parts of the lesson - more analysis, practice and thinking!

1. When he first fell in love with you, you were a sweet little thing, full of laughter and fun - Yeah yeah, easy to say! After you get married so many little things to-do, esp if he delegates it to you! Staying that sweet little thing everyday ain't easy esp. with so many new roles and responsibilities including finances! Ooops hey, but if we go back to the basics... then all we need to do is be that nice little helper and yes perhaps that sweet little thing too! That would help!
2. Men are highly attracted to smiles. That includes your husband - I thought about this and yes, it is something that I do not consciously do it and should do it more often. Except, analyzing this part - I must admit too, often we give alot of excuses for us not too (I would have many if I sat down to write about them!) and esp. so he doesn't smile that smile anymore! Or never had, hmmmm .. oh well .. we gota stop thinking who should take the first step huh, and just do out part, consistently, every single day! What a challenge!
3. Never demand that a man love you and cherish you because he ought to. Earn every smile and shared moment - This had been so much contracdition to my original believe and I must admit, I do get the feeling all these married years that if I have to fight for him to love me, its not marriage, its not love, its .. I don't know what but its definitely something else. I didn't think we need to rally for love, I didn't think it's right .. I really thought, yes he ought to .. for I've seen in my culture, its OK and the guy automatically showers his love for you abundantly .. now I have to really fix my mind and make a transformation ---- for a holy reason? Maybe! But definitely its growth ...
4. God stands with you when you stand by your man - This is something I never learned off .. but I am thankful I have the chance to learn this message and have open ears for it.
5. Stand by your man.

Mini-Church - Patience

Today's also a holiday and HB cooked shrimp pancake (so very sweet of him!) - I have been so very happy esp to know he willingly wants to go meet MC family members. We had a very good session and discussed about patience from the Book of James and every session had been such great help to me personally. Have patience when 1) things are uncontrollable, 2) people are unchangeable and 3) events are unexplainable ..

We also had another sub session thanking each other for all the warmth and support given so far and I definitely have lots of be thankful for. Interesting enough HB talked and whatever was in his mind - yes he said it, although it should not be a surprise to me because I knew he thought of me that way, but he decided to tell everyone that I tried to change him and that if you love someone, you shouldn't change that person. As oppose to my 'own thinking' - I do change for the better. If someone tells me about an area which I should change, I take note of it and attempt to work on it because I believe what is more precious than a good advice. So I kinda expected him to at least believe the same, but obviously he doesn't .. and as a matter a fact, seek confirmation from the group openly about that! At that point, from chinese idioms, my face literally.... well I lost my face completely! Worst thing is, his comments did not represent what I think is the truth, that is, I haven't even been wanting to change him because I had been so conscious about it. If I wanted to, I would have said ALOT OF THINGS. Nevertheless ...... since I've recently learned about God - and how I don't have to change my HB, but instead, do my part well - what I was originally designed to do, I could leave it to God to deal with my HB --- maybe lack of a better word I am sure I did not phrase this sentence properly. But yet, I kept quiet and let him speak all he wanted to say, whatever that made him feel good, even if it means putting me down. Miraculously enough, shortly after, he even went on talking about his own faults and weaknesses - I could see him humbling himself - something he wouldnt even do at home with me! If would have been, 'he knows it inside but he would admit to me outwordly about his own flaws-infact blame me for it sometimes!!!' OK if he reads this, I am doomed! But anyways, back to getting serious ...-- I praise the Lord for showing us the way ... bridging the gap and phasing out what I believe is a vicious cycle of marriage suffering when one takes matter in his or her own hands...

Created To Be His Help Meet - God's Gift

Yet another good time with JLT and ANN - Chapter 1: God's Gift. I really enjoy spending time with them. Feeling so much at home and we get to talk in Cantonese too! We tried going through Chapter 1 since the last session, we went all out for hours sharing about our own personal experiences, everyone's got their juicy story to tell! Well, this time too, we did the same! Except we did pull out the important parts of the message and here I would like to highlight some of my favourites - and not to mention, having to put them into practice. I also shared with them how tough it is for me to 'suck it all in' and 'submit' and be that 'suitable helper' because of the many legitimate reasons I may have .... and so the list goes on. But that's not quite the right focus, and therefore, I trust in God that if this is His will, and to know I was designed for a specific purpose, then let me be humble and play that role well.

Lessons Learned - Chaper 1:
1. You don't just marry "the right man" and live happily ever after. You were created to be in the marriage as a help meet when Lord God said, 'It is not good that the man should be alone, I will make him a help meet for him... (Gen 2:22) - well I had to admit this but honestly deep down eventhough I know I may not get the lovey-doveyness found in fairy-tale movies, I would still like to have gotten married to a man who would be there for me, give me TLC, take care of me, live under the his wings, say nice things to me, do nice things for me ---- the list goes on! Guess, I have misunderstood! Time to stop dreaming!
2. God made Adam a help-meet - and I even found in the Malay translated Bible, the word literally means 'penolong'! -- wow, all my life... I never ever think of getting into marriage with this perspective in mind! I'd say, esp HB wants me to work, and I have to take care of all the home affairs and my little girl - perhaps you could 'help-me' instead of me being a 'help-meet'???? I guess, I was wrong again!!!
3. The purpose of my existence is to full a need of being a helper suited to my husband, by nature, equipped with every ways to be his helper and inferior to none AS LONG AS YOU FUNCTION within your created nature i.e. do what you're "DESIGNED" to do, not to seek personal fulfillment parallel to him - wow, yet another powerful message slapped into my face! What have I gotten myself into all these years thinking of equality, independence etc .. perhaps I can blame the media, society and surrounding and/even up-bringing???! OK - time to move on and not be blameful to others, but rather focus on fixing the contaminated mind and soul! This I need to brainwash myself for sure!
4. When you are a help meet to your HB, you are a helper to Christ - see, yet yet another powerful message. First I never really gotten to know Christ, let alone to take Him or his messages seriously .. but now that I put effort in submerging myself into God's word and learning more and more about God - how much more happiness can I get to know that helping my HB is also being a helper to Christ! Sure I wanna do it!
5. Me, the Help Meet - A Gift?? - For sure I never thought of myself as a gift .. and if I were a gift, surely I want to be that nice, great precious gift that meets the needs of the owner. The question was 'If God created a special women, perfectly suited to be your husband's helper, would you be that women?' -- Yet I never ask myself that question. But my answer is of course, I would like to be that women .. and guess what? If you ever presented a gift to someone, you will know its unconditional, and it even if you or others think they may or may not deserve it, it would have still been a very good gift, something that would make the receiving party happy. I never did think of myself as a gift, and what more, to function as a gift that would make HB happy - but now that I know this, I should help preserve this gift for him! Though so not very easy esp I can imagine waking up earlier than him in the morning, sleeping later than him in the night, and he doesnt wake up a little earlier to help much in the morning - could I still wake up in the morning, be that nice little happy gift!!? Challenging!