Charity Begins At Home

As I thought about it a little more in the shower, it came to me that I should always remember that charity starts at home. We have plenty of opportunity if only we see it, and take action. It's an honor to be able to serve your parents, your spouse, your kids, your grandparents, your siblings, your nieces and nephews and esp. your other family, your in-laws: parents in laws, sister in laws, brother in laws, nieces and nephew in laws.. I take pride in the everyday chores I do and I want to do it better as serving these members at home gives me the opportunity to detach from selfishness, from self-centeredness.

Giving money to my parents which I can keep for my own makes me sacrifice my own needs, but its an honor to have the opportunity to serve them, for without them, I have no chance to do good. I could wait and wait and give excuses that I have commitments, responsibilities la la la .. but that means I am taking them for granted, putting myself first and keeping everything for me and my own family, and denying and delaying the opportunities to do good. If I see something that is not right, I could offer my advice and guidance to my best knowledge .. I dont have to force them to accept my ideas but at least I point to them a way I think is a better way. It's an honor that I have the opportunity to share my thoughts with them, for without them I do not have the chance to do good. If my offer does not work for them, I try to set a good example for as family, we need to guide each other... Talking to them, asking them how they are, visit them, finding out if they need any assistance, are all examples of charity at home .. things we can do without getting anything material in return ..

Helping my hubby with finances which if I have the extra, I could have saved it but would use it for the family makes me sacrifice for any luxury needs, but its an honor to have the opportunity to serve him, for without him, I have no chance to do good. If I see something not right, I offer my advice and find ways to show him what is better whether it is an issue directly or not directly related to me, for I cannot be so selfish to tell myself, 'hey, that's not my problem, that's not my family, its yours, so you take care of it yourself' or sometimes we just keep quiet, let the other half keep on going wrong, wrong in silence.. Just like with our child, if we see something not right, we try to point out to them, this is the same kind of love.. .. With that, it's an honor to have the opportunity to share with him my thoughts and without that, I have no chance to do good.

Waking up early, prepare breakfast, lunch, dinner, bathing my girl, putting up with her nonsense, no weekends off, no night time off, no holidays, doing things for her, dropping her off and picking her up at work (all the time without fail) and relieve this work from my husband (well, since he is not so keen anyway!) I shall not complain for it is an honor to be able to serve my girl because without her, I have no chance to do good - to help the dependant little young one ..

These are just examples of people who are technically very close to us. There's so much we can do for people who are our family - people who are physically near us, all we need is effort and a good heart, often little or no money required - well, of course time is money, yes so we can give that too, if we are not so self-centered, so focus on our ownself ... extend your hand to also all the other family members (inlaws) because if we think they are techinically not 'our' family, we are only giving excuses to avoid charity at home .. their problem is our problem, their happiness is our happiness, we should be proud to have them around and make them inside us, a happy family within ...

Conclusion: Share what you have today .. not tomorrow, not later, not 'until we have enough' ... So it came to me that, if we really want to be a kind and compassionate person, we don't choose who to give charity to, it is not up to us to select the person, time and place before we decide to give .. for if we do that, we are still holding back a big piece of us for ourselves .. and most likely to treat our own fears, fear or losing this or that, fear of having less money, less time, less whatnot - for ourselves.. Breaking this barrier is important, our first step to charity. After all, aren't we all children of God?

It's An Honor, Not Suffering

LN and I were talking .. LN is a very nice person and have good thinking.. esp. filial to parents and family, am happy for him. Something he said that I wanna remember "When one day u wake up and think "i could have done better", then its not so good............not every time we have chance to redeem our mistakes....its a blessing if we can redeem our mistakes but some times we dont have the privilege to do so and we carry regrets to our graves".. I totally agree about it being an honor if we get to take care of our parents, do things for them, before its too late. Shouldn't be a suffering ..

Granny Moved In

Blessed Uncle Ling and his family for taking this move to take care of Granny. She moved in with them yesterday, such a great thing to happen for 2006. Though they seemed motivated by the RM$800 we are giving them .. (MM & DD) but I've decided to not focus on that, but just focus on how happy we all can be that Granny now has a place she can call home. I hope things will go on smoothly for her 2006 since the last time she moved in with them, she had very serious complains about her DIL and then decided to move out, later went to old folks .. So, this time, hope Granny would cherish the oopportunity she has (although ideally she wants to stay with DD), and hope Uncle Ling and his family will be more loving and compassionate, and understand her needs as we are all human with flaws..

Never Give Up On Family

LS and I been talking abit about the in-law areas. It was healthy talk :) Remember some important parts of the conversation... We should not give up on MM & DD who may not appear to be so keen on the in-laws sometimes. Perhaps they have their reasons, perhaps their personality, perhaps this or that .. I guess in life, we have many reasons why things happen or not happen in certain ways... But of course, as family member, we cannot help but to feel some negativity, but most important, we have to recover quickly and then not carry on the ill feelings which will be a seed to destroy future relationships with that person. The seed will first act as a stopper, closing all possible communicatoins between the two.. how else then would any of the two person feel comfortable to even be nice to each other.. so they cont to be 'not so nice' or 'silence' will take place... then you know, how silence is.. never that great! Let's reboot, recharge, and feel happy again and always try to see the Christ in others.. no matter how they appear to be ..

Stye

Been having this 'stye' first time since I cant remember when I last got it! Kinda irritating and painful sometimes, yest I even feel like puking! Maybe that's not related but in my mind, eye pain, head pain hehe .. Today feeling better. Been putting those antibiotic eye drops. NOB says its very commmon, in Japan you can get these eye drops off the shelf. Her hubby carries one all the time, since he gets it all the time!! Gota watch those itchy hands!

Winter Solace

Yest, AL mentioned that she'll be having Tong-yuen. I love tong-yuen!! Yeah DD also mentioned about it.. its Winter Solace.. er first time I hear this name in English, hehe .. anyway, just want to write it down so I can pay more attention to details! When you're growing up with a kid, you gota buck up, she may start asking you a bunch of questions expecting you to have some answers!!!

The Emotional Me

Sad, sad, sad, but life goes on. Have to recover fast and move on with daily life making it abit more meaningful than feeling sad. I think I did alright, and a significant improvement compared to the old me. Landed with 2 emotional attack yest; one from MM&DD, another fr. LG, but guess what? I could sleep easily and wake up this morning; do the usual for ANA and have my own breakfast. Way to go I'd say! Anyways, MM and DD - KB issue, and also I have to tell them I can't afford to give more (money for LING to take care of GNNY's) as it is arleady giving them about RM$1400 each mth - so I feel very dissapointed with myself and definitely not willing to tell them this bad news, except I have to, otherwise I will drain myself out since my little family needs my financial support too, I have to balance out, share the pie with everyone, not just keep letting others take, take and take.. after all if one takes from me, it would be at the expense of another family member of mine.. so you know, it goes around? I have to balance it out make sure everybody gets something. But I guess, I feel very dissapointed with myself because this is the one thing I dont' want to end up saying to my parents - that 'I cannot afford to give you more' but yest, I had to say these words :( .... .. About KB, well yeah, they are not very willing to go and can see/tell/and I asked and found out, they are not trying their very best, if possible they don't want to go .. for whatever reason they may have. So, bottom line, I cannot force though I am damn sad about it .. so still cannot control, cry my heart out. But recovery was speedy for sure.. Then, finale part, LG hit me with another of his silly concept about 'no expectations, no rules' lifestyle.. oh well, I just keep my options open, explore the unexplored .. perhaps given some time, I can see the true beauty of the 'no expectations, no rules' life.. which may turn out to be more fullfilling? Patience... But in anycase, I think ultimately is to come to a balance.. so I'll explore the balance part of 'no expectations, no rules' life, because I don't believe in the extremes...

In-Laws Relationship

Been trying to make arrangement and adjustment just so MM and DD can go KB visit KC's family but I guess DD and MM has their reasons - though finally MM proposed to go on the 1st and return on the 2nd.. erm, with us on the 2nd morning flight? Well, I don't know what else to think, she is usually a very practical person and I called her to talk voice to voice, however I guess she is also not very interested, if possible no need to go, next time she says. Well, you know how its like when one says 'next time' probably never huh? Furthermore they know I will be going back overseas, how often can we have this chance? But I'll just stay positive, I know they don't like to be forced and I dont like to force either but I must say, my heart very disheartened coz I also already expressed to them I really would like them to visit KB and family esp Mom who have not met them... But, as with GNNY's case, if no will and no interest, there will always be barriers, this and that .. so, just gota stay positive and move on with life .. :) Recently, before this, I was also observing what's happening between them and WG/LS, though it would be nice if WG would contact them more, visit them more, show more of his love for them, but I figured you know you can't just blame one party.. it really takes two to clap, and if the younger generation doesnt know how, why can't we show them? Why can't we set a good example.. it came to my thoughts that, I don't think they even take the time to wish their DIL and SIL Happy Birthday.. and yet I always though it would be nice if we all rememebred their birthday, but how can we expect them to do all these when the elderly ignores it the other way around..? Of course we could but you know, things don't always happen that way .. so the others should not be so 'siu hei' and should initiative good actions.. However, MM and DD will always remember me and WG's birthday.. so you know, they kinda just focus on us, have they really accepted their SIL and DIL?

Good News Granny

Wake up this morning, right eye feeling very sore and 'bengkak' but looks OK still .. DD called me this morning saying LING agreed to take in GNNY before the end of this month and also DD promised to remit RM$800 to him each month and at the beginning of the month... so DD asking me about my remittance to him. Anyways, as prev. discussed WG and I will give MM and DD money as our money to them and MM and DD shall take care of GNNY in this case, financially since they not willing to take care of her. LING will do the non-financials. I hope all this will work out well.. I pray that peace will shower upon GNNY who has been living outside her home for so long and with strangers and though as human we need to adapt but I pray all living souls to be able to rec. the love and comfort they should deserve.. That day I cried and prayed to Jesus ask him to help out GNNY- bestow upon her the peace of mind and no more loneliness .. though I knew there's a possibility that LING is considering taking her in (but missing in action) but there's chance they may not too.. so I asked Jesus for help ...

New Year Resolution 2006

My new years's resolution for 2006 is simple. I have decided I will be happier than this year. Each year will be a happier one despite all the chanllenged that I will be facing. If I am the one giving, why should I be feeling sadder than the one not giving? Doesnt make sense, hehe so, I better stay happy and happier! Anyways, 2005 had been really good I must say ... I've done the things I say I would do (financiall and non-financially) for my Mom & Dad , Casey & Analina, and a little for myself, though nothing specific I can think of, but yes, it's been a great year! My goals were not unrealistic, and it's good to be practical. Also keep in touch with family, relatives n friends, spend time talking to them, take the initiative to build the connection, coulnd't have been better! I have not yet pay off all debts but at the same time I am not waiting till I have enough so I can share.. and therefore being able to share with others (financially and non financially) gives me the contentment inside and most importantly, no hatred, no fire-ry anger and alot of patience and forgiveness for others and myself. Next year will be even a little better :)

Same time, also very grateful we have basic needs taken care off; LG (KC) has provided us with a home, food, and all other basic needs, and I have family (ANA, MM, DD,GNNY, WG, LS, ZCH, ISC) n friends (buddies-KW, & HAN, and good friends in Guam (KN & JST, JUL, SOL, TER, NOB, MAR, RUS, SAL, TARO) g'ol friends (MICH, AL, MY, PAT, SHF, CM, CK ... and relatives (IVY,JES, WKH, LEK,PK, ALV, PL ..) other friends, new friends and acquantainces) around me .. and we're all considerably healthy, no major sicknesses.. so everyday is a beautiful day despite once in a blue moon blues.. Only one issue is with GNNY and hope she will find peace, comfort and home soon with LING, her 2nd son.

On a more serious note, specific action to-do list include:
1. Never dload any pirated/illegal songs, movies or contents, we must pay for it!
2. Ensure use of legal software, must pay for it!
3. Ensure consistent Sunday service at Bayview, try once a month - anything more would be great! During the service, pay attention to what was said, write notes (or record the session), review the session later on and reflect on how we can apply it in our daily life. After that, put action to it, practice it!
4. Spend time, once a week read start reading the Bible, try 1 hour a month first, extra is great! Must really find out more about the real teaching rather than looking at other Christians as example.
5. Come up with Self-Appraisal document, ask those closest to me to evaluate me how I can be a better person.

Precious Mean People

I think I am going to repeat myself again but its OK! I think it's good to have family or friends who may be mean, unkind and inconsiderate for they are RARE and PRECIOUS .. these people are our Teachers and if we keep them around us in a positive way, the results are very rewarding - who else can help you develop PATIENCE and TOLERANCE if it were'nt for them. Use them wisely!!! Noh, just kidding .. I mean "thank" them always .. and don't shut them out from your life .. it goes back to a 'balanced diet' you need one... everyone would need one :)

I Love Barney

I seem to like Barney alot these days because Barney accompanies Analina, ha! Giving me the freedom and hands-free time to do some house chores - without her bugging me for snacks and juice! DSS-boy gave Analina 4 new tapes yest Sunday, he is very generous! She's all for it and just so excited .. I am excited too and happy she's growing up to be more independant! :)

Angry Beast

Life is short, why want to let anger feed the beast inside you .. Doesn't mean you don't get angry or upset, but keep it short and sweet! Let's try to remember, always to create a positve impact on others around you, others who are there with you in this life - whether close or not so close friends because in this world, we dependant on others and let's not try to be arrogant and convince ourselves, we can live without others .. because truth is, no man is an island .. what we wear, what we do, evertyhing we have right now, someone and many more people have helped us along the way. If you are not doing anything specific to make others happy just yet (because youre busy, you don't want to, blah blah blah ..) at least just work on being a happy and contented person inside for happiness from within will glow and like perfume .. spray some on yourself, others will smell it too .. all other negative elements, trash it away, for it stinks!!! :) - I was helping CC correct her essay about Anger and it inspires me to write about this .. but yes, I also remember some of the words of Dalai Lama in his book too .. and its good to be thinking about good things in life, rather than spending time on negativity. So I thank CC for the day, and the positive impact she has created on me (though she may not realize it, and though I am so darn busy today she still make me do things for her :P) .. but I choose to think of it positively, squeeze my time in and make something positive out of it!