Cooking For The Family

Cooking dinner for the family, I was just thinking - gosh I do truly enjoy cooking for the family, doing things for the family .. things from a to z .. (of course we dont do everything the child ask us to do eh!) but its true.. charity starts at home.. we should practice to truly enjoy giving happiness to others, and to start with - our parents, our little family - spouse and kids, family, relatives and friends .. and finally also, acquantainces and strangers.. To have the opportunity to do things for others other than for our own pleasure and benefit, I think is truly an honor and a golden opportunity to create good merits for our soul. I dont find it 'leceh' to organize parties, invite family or friends over or do things together. Find it really fun to keep challenging myself for the purpose of cultivating good values!

Watch Out Your Other Half

DD called back to apologize. I learned he was really preassured by MM among all related issues. I can't imagine exactly how but I can sense the degree of sadness and stress. I feel really sorry for him. Certainly, I will mark this remembrance not to let this sort of things happen to others, such my LG. Husband and wife, how can we do this to each other. I strongly feel, supporting each other, showing each other with all the love, help each other out with problems .. these are the best opportunities one can get to do more good.. Yet, we usually let the monster out and let it control us, thus making us say or do things that are stupid, selfish and unkind.. As sorry as I can, we really have to focus on the issue, and thus back and forth ph call with DD and WG, to get this resolved. DD and misunderstood WG and WG also under alot of pressure at home: chores, work and what-not, dont think he can really focus much more on GRN, and the more put in energy for her among so many other things. I wish people around him who love him can off-load him.. but that I can only pray for him .. Anyways, at least finally at the end of the day DD and WG reconcile and we could now focus on the problem, moving GRN to a better place - we need action.

At His Peak

Called up DD to ensure he takes care of the urgent GRN matter so as to not impose on other relatives such as 3rd grand-aunties family, unfortunately, perhaps all the monster had been let out. Perhaps there was a stir, too much stress from the other half and what else not .. DD raised his voice against me, yelling about its LING responsibility etc.. the same old story. I put up my courage for I know I am doing with the right motivation, though it may be adding more stress to DD but how can I just play ignorant and assume everyone else shall take the lead since everyone is 'busy with own life'? After all, ALC did mention its highly urgent and they could not contact anyone, don't even have DD ph no. Did send a SMS to WG and I also called, except he is in the midst of golf. Still, I couldn't hold on more, .. if it was my DD who raised his voice on me, its rare and shocking .. I keep telling him not to, and I am here to help him. Whatever he is going through, even if no one supports him, I will back him out to help GRN. Others don't want to contribute, nevermind, they wanna stay out? OK, let them.. I will support him.. Sob, sob sob .. but we have to make this work, otherwise poor old GRN .. though she liked me least, had always been scolding me during my childhood, but I still don't think family should be treating each other this way, not abandon the weak .. it's just not right...

Tosing Around

Happen to call Auntie ALC to catch up with her since I didn't make it for the following day 'check out nursing homes', and next day ANA nose bleed alot. After our long hours flight and enough rest, finally called her. JSC happen to tell me something is going on, I gota talk to ALC urgently. Apparently, they are terrified if Uncle LG would just send and drop off GRN at their doorstep, which I just found out he did it before, even on a rainy day, can you imagine!? Anyways, I truly understand where ALC is coming from and for whatever they are feeling, I can accept it. Even when it means all other Aunties are not answering calls .. the matrix is complex, no one should be blamed except we the family, need to realize and help each other out. Yes, truly is, she is our family. Though LING is too, but he doesn't want to take care of her anymore, and for sure Auntie LDA too since I have already spoken with her. Now, we gota focus on solutions, solutions and solutions, otherwise we are tosing GRN around .. I cannot worry too much anymore about how much financials I have to add on, because if I do, she's definitely going to be tossed up higher since everyone else in my family has other reasons not to also, or max-ed out.

Extremes

Another phone call came when we're having breakfast, DD picked up and he spoked with LING. Sounded very emotional from his side, more like angry kind.. I figured to myself, this aint gonna work, how can we ever get things done with anger and resentment, everyone is tai-chi-ing. I let it be anyway because there's nothing I can do right now but I can call WG later so we can discuss and figure out how to help GRN. I took the opp to tell MM also, that remind DD to talk nicely in situations like this. She reacted very emotionally (again) and did not react to my statement, but infact stressed again 'dont make this my issue'..... As dissapointed as I am with this sort of outlook in life, and as much as I can see where she is coming from, I try to put those negative feelings aside and focus on a solution for the problem. Very enlightening thoughts from time to time today, I stole some time to think about this.. anyway will have to call WG tonight to see how we can help .. for I can see, MM and DD is not really going to truly put their hearts into this - I sense alot of defencing feelings from their side, and thus, they do not seem to demonstrate compassion from within at this point.. pitiness yes, but not compassion because what constitutes compassion is true action and effort to help the other person. DD took the opp in the morning too to tell me things, sometimes a little against me, I wasn't really sure what he was really trying to tell me about me and my married life, but I concluded it was something for my own good. That I needed to hold on to something should all fails. I do appreciate him telling me. Same time I dont want to deviate from the real problem now, that is the sudfering of his own mother. Later, I found another opp to tell him, for sure I will remember to do my part, treat MM and DD well, but hey Dad, I want you to try your best to take care of GRN too. Unfortunately, he reacted very quickly too, saying he had done his part, whatabout LING, he should now. Honestly.., somewhere from within my heart, I sort of knew, that's not my DD. The DD I knew.. he won't draw lines, he is too modest, too honest, too humble, too silly, too naive, he would just want to help. I dont know how to put it, but whatever it is, the circumstances over the last few years I believe had forced him through a brain wash stage, how should I say it? Mind poisoning? It happens all the time, everywhere.. And I dont even blame the other person who is poisoning except I feel sorry for him/her. I hope he can recover to be his true self because by the looks of this trend.. the way he is going, only shows that history repeats itself, and he is creating more and more negative karma. I wish he can be enlightened... and that he knows, we dont need to distinguish 'who needs to do what', but instead, 'we need to do this and that'. I took the opp to explain to him, if I had that sort of mentality now, I wouldnt be the one helping them out financially all by myself all this time. Few years back, I plunged into that sort of monster drama, I wasn't happy, and thus I fled to a seemingly far a way land, live and make decisions in life on my own, isolate and coudln't understand 'why me', 'why now'. But shortly, I was truly blessed to have been freed from this monster drama, I could see that we are all truly just human, truly just same, that we all should be brothers and sisters.. It shouldn't really be that because of others, then we do not help our brothers and sisters..(let alone mother and father). With that in mind, irregardless of the fact if I am taking all this financial burden myself, I do it with a happy heart, a graceful heart and I truly see that, to have the opportunity to do good to my parents, to repay my parents (no matter how tough it is), is truly a blessing for me because I then have the opportunity to do good. And so I see so clearly now, eventhough my DD wants to do good, for whatever ABC reasons he has, he could not do it, and worst of all, he is making some serious mistakes and repeating history, and so he shall have to face the negative consequences only a matter of time. I pray he can get out of this and soon take actions to do good while he has the chance.. and even MM, more and more history will repeat, I too pray she can see that we are all brothers and sisters and to be able to do things moderately rather than the extremes and then landing into times like this - torn between self-centeredness and kindness in the heart.

Uncontrollable Monster

DD pumped petrol, I took the opportunity to tell MM, GRN's message. MM commented toughly and emotionally and unhappily, bascially she wants her freedom now to do her own things, to go places, that she may be working, how can GRN be staying at our home. One thing struck me hard, she said, "dont make this my issue".. As far as DD is concerned, he appears to be following the same flow as MM, leaning on the fact that Uncle should take care of GRN now. He also mentioned that he will be working so there wont be anyone at home. WG called earlier about GRN's latest status. I still don't know the details.

Middle Way

MM treating us all CNY lunch today at nearby rest. WG and family came along. Didn't really know whats the occasion, and cannot really help but to wonder why MM did not arrange (or at least suggest) a day when LG was around... Infact, I kinda feel bad LG had to pay so many of (all) dinner bills and everything else, I think LG had been superb, and esp. stay at BB for so many days, hang out dont do much, tried to wash his own clothes, bath ANA since I fell sick first few days.. Thats why last 2 days in KL before he left, and last day when we met up with MM & DD, I told LG lets just have simple dinner, I really don't mind.. I know he's been spending lots on dinners and such - and even decided not to have a good dinner out with everyone at KB .. but anyways, I guess he wanted MM & DD to have a nice one, so brought us all to Overseas Rest, darn the fish was expensive anyway. I guess all was all positive, except you know how its like when you see pple being all so nice and thoughtful, and then only to realize, hey, how come the other side, not so thoughtful. I know I cant blame anyone on this, so I shall not, and will definitely make it up to LG but surely it would be nice is we all be thoughtful to each other as much as possible, esp. as I have mentioned before, in-laws should treat each other like family. Not saying, MM doesn't but I am sure it looks like some barrier there .. something along the line as 'mind my own business' attitude? Anyways, I pray for more happy family times among those who are not related by blood but by relationships. Round and round some inner thoughts, I figured, the 'no expectations' outlook works well in this situation, and in this case, among 2 individuals who seem to practice that... so I guess, no one is really hurt emotionally. Its worth pondering the credibility of this approach in life, except I still believe in finding the 'middle way' :)

Together We Stand

It's really true - Bersatu Kita Teguh, Bercerai Kita Roboh .. city life didn't give me much of that, but I can see and experience so much of the way how community live, and 'should live' in a much closely knit community.. there's really so much more sharing and less individual space, which means less self-centerdness.. after a while, it becomes such a natural thing for everyone to do, to share and let others share your life, and yet you don't feel that they are intruding your life, but you get to experience the joy of dependendness, truly a jewel for such connection. I think, att he end of the tunnel, I feel ANA is truly a very lucky girl, to have so many cousins and everyone loving each other in their own caring ways .. hope this will last and definitely would want ANA to learn to be one of them, one with good community spirit and helpfullness. Though she did demonstrate some 'individualistic' personality of hers, but I truly dont blame her .. roughly said, for her to have survived in such competitive environment at the daycare, it has shaped her personality too.. but I guess as parents, we can give her some balance, and that's when she's young. Glad we are able to see two sides of the cards :)