Dying Early...

Today, I gave Nikki the address of Analina's blog site. A diary I keep for my little girl, writing about moments that would have passed so quickly, she won't have a chance to know or remember about what has happened around her when she's so very young, unless I write about it, or .. well tell her about it one day (well it won't be the same actually if she asked me about it when she's 16 or 32 years old! I wouldn't remember that much detail anyway!). When he read about it, he said 'That's sad', and later on 'that's very sad' *gasp* Shocked in a sense, I never ever in my mind thought that writing about my little girl would be a sad thing, infact I was so darn happy I could find the time to write about it and erm, not to mention keep my family, relatives and friends updated about Analina. Grandpa and Grandma would be too happy to read about what's going with Analina. Anyway...not so shocked in a sense, well.. its Nikki. Obviously no single person on Earth would be too happy to hear something like that, after all the effort being a Mommy, despite all the sacrifice you make for your family, and still take time to write a blog for your daughter and at the same time, you know its not sad and you know you're doing with the right motivation for the right reasons. Infact, only this morning, I was telling myself, goshhh, I've been so happy lately.. suddenly just so happy about life when I start writing about it and knowing I am on track. But anyway, I remained calm (this is a chance for me to practice patience and remembering what Dalai Lama said in his book, these people are your teachers... our family and friends who love us dearly, are always nice to us, they never want to say things that would deliberately hurt us but those who do otherwise, they are rare.... and because they are rare, they are precious, and they provide the platform for you to practice being good - something along this line).. so I remained calm and steady. If it was me before, hehe.. maybe one tight slap on the face :P no just kidding, I refuse to create bad karma ;) So I explained my reasons without expecting him to accept them but that's all that matters, that I do things with the right motivation. And finally I mentioned, if I die tmr, at least my girl gets to read about her childhood times, something I never had. Infact when Analina was born and growing months I had so many questions for my Mom about me, such as "when I started saying this, when I started doing that.. etc", but my Mom couldn't remember much as she was working most of the time and I live with my auntie all week and my parents will pick me up on weekends. I guess those are memories I could never retrieve no matter how ... So, back to the conversation, after all that, he then suddenly start to tell me, 'Speaking about death, .. I've always had this premonition that you will die early... *gasp* 'yau moe kau chor ah' (cantonese), but then I remained calm and stayed positive, smiled to myself- phew! lucky I live as if tmr never comes ;) ..... So remembering to remain calm (again), I took his comments just by the facts. After all, yeah life is fragile.. it's true. Death can happen to me, it can happen to you, just about anyone. So I told him I will write about this and if I do die early, he can read about it, life is such - you'll never know! Anyway, at the end of the day, I feel proud that I am able to interact with those who may not always recognize good things that you've done, or say nice things (not about the death part - life is uncertain, death is certain-just a matter of time!).. so life goes on! We find comfort in those who love and care for us, and we find growth in those who otherwise love and care for themselves more :) Either way, we need both comfort and growth! So if you can, don't shy away from those who may not be so nice to you ... after all you need a balanced diet!