Moderation ....

Bro, SIL and I try exploring other options for Granny. She is thinking of living with U.Ling but that's because she already accepted the fact that my Dad doesn't want to take her in. Most recently, I also hear from Dad that, well he said he has tried his best for the last 20-30 years taking care of her. I guess this is not the first time I am getting this respond .. it's just that I thought I might get lucky this time that he would have at least start to open up abit to his own mom .. but I guess not. Anyways, we're now thinking of U.Ling option but I told Bro that she had experienced that option before and I thought it was quite an awful experience with her since she said that U.Ling's wife (my aunt) wants to kill her... (well, maybe she's not using the right words to express herself but she certainly had fear back then)... At that time, when I visited them to get my Granny so she could stay at my rented Puchong apartment, I remember my cousin was rather mad at me - I suppose for letting Granny stay there? We never had conflict before but she refuse to talk to me. Hmm, she's such a young girl but I am not sure why she had suddenly developed that attitude. Anyways, their family eventually sold the house and said there's not enough place for my Granny (I think that's BS-btw but just to avoid letting anger eat me up.. so I let it be) .. Now, she's planning to go back there .. so I told my Bro about the above but I said, its worth trying that option anyway, since U.Ling is also her son. The plan is for each of us to pay U.Ling RM$400 so that would make up RM$800 in the hope that money can help open up their arms for Granny... I don't think I can give more than what I am currently capable of giving so I'll have to draw some from what I am giving to Mom and Dad .. my monthly commitment to Mom, Dad and my little family here alone, is not that 'light' .. it actually comes up to RM4000/mth .. geez, I didn't realize that much until recently I thought about going back to MY. Well, I definitely won't be able to get a job to cover that kinda money!!! And this is just loans and living expenses for others, my goodness .. not yet including expenses related to myself such as own car, own apt, personal, hobbies, interest, work, gifts I want to get for others, volunteer-donations, sports, things I want to buy for Analina .. I wonder how did I ever pull through ... no wonder I don't have my fav. lingerie either, hardlt buy make-up, never go for facial .. whatabout my manicure and pedicure .. ? Nah .. never go to any anymore .. shoes? Keep to minimum ... clothes? Wear the same ones and tell myself, overcome how others judge you by your appearance .. hmmm .. maybe I am pushing myself too hard I didn't realize .. but we should really take care of others while we have the chance huh? Esp. our parent's needs ... help hubby with financials etc .. But then, Buddha says 'MODERATION' .... how can I balance this!?