Monster Me - Clean Up Time!

Feel like I am turning into a monster lately... so I have to really do something about it. It's a whole bunch of workload - seems like a big big responsibility on my side. I spent some time thinking about it and finally came to terms with myself: that I am shouldering this really huge responsibility to get income in with lighting bills to pay - huge bills! Firstly, the biz loan which auto debits very promptly, then the many other office bills.. then our home bills which, and one very important bill, our parents bill which we dont have it covered this month! Deep inside, I wanna always try and organize a party for my little ANA this special August, but I really don't think we're up to it ... we totally don't have any. Infact, I am thinking to skip it altogether but she's hopeful because all her friends have snack party (at least) with ballons and cakes. So I've decided to do one without lunch, and spend quite abit on the party favors among other things. We also want to get her bday gifts, so we decided to sign up Nikko for her to swim at the toddler/baby pool with slides - she would be thrilled! --- As much as keeping to the minimum, it seems like I am building alot of fear and finally, I told KC --- I am sorry if I can't make this work, and that I will drag everyone down the drain. Having said that, I'll still try my best but I guess most important, we are into this together. I think I am also coping up with all the routines, with 1 car, picking up many places, and my GC-renewal is due soon - loads of docs to prepare... also wanting parents to be here but don't have the money to buy them tickets .. SIL doesn't seem the same anymore though she said its OK - feel like I am losing a friend and I have to cope with that too since I can't force relationships as it takes 2 to clap.. and learning to let go is something I have to buck up on which stresses me out esp since I value the relationship alot and been actively working on it. Perhaps its one of those times, all comes together, and you just wanna run but you can't hide .. well, I guess I would have a million reasons and excuses to come up with just so to blame for this dilemma ha ... so let's get real and do a self-check, rectify and improve!

So anyways, irregardless, I still have to train myself and shoo away that little hedious monster inside! Perhaps a timeline would make it work ... so I'll give myself a speedy one week - though this seems very ambitious but I treasure my little princess who is soo precious to me so I'll do it .., to clean myself up before ANA turns 3, good idea? I think so!