Inner Thoughts

LS, I am really sorry I did not reveal this other side of me (my inner thoughts) when we talk and share things - instead I chose to reveal the remains of my thoughts here in this blog. First of all, I was very afraid to overwhelm the situation with so much of my different and strange thoughts (sometimes ugly thoughts) - as you can now see .. I know we now share something very precious, a "friendship" that was never really there before.. I really don't want to lose it just coz of my deeper analytical thoughts need to find its way out - simply, I think its not worth the consequences.. and secondly, I don't want to impose all those thoughts on you as a form of expectation for I know its not healthy for all of us to have too much expectations on others..

Sometimes I am sure of what is right, sometimes I am not, and therefore I blog about it, hoping in some ways or another I find some answers to shape better thinking. While trying to find some answers, I also try to look at the big picture and therefore try to analyse the situation so that I too can benefit from it .. as a reminder for myself when I am the Parent, when I am the SIL, when I am the parents-in-law someday, when I am a friend, when I am who knows what else..... I hope we can share these thoughts in a constructive way, and my intentions has never been to expect all these from you for I do know that it would not be fair and it would be destructive to us. But perhaps this is easier said that done, but I'll still focus on realizing this fact and not imposing expectations on others.. KC thought me alot about not expecting, not so much in a "no-no I dont expect anything-at-all-for-I dont care" attitude - I could never comprehend this for many years even with KT for so many years.., but now I learn, a more positive side of it, "not expect but I still love you", kinda attitude. I'd like to do the same for all who's family to me .. except, it would take alot of practice on my side esp to start from the scratch now but I know if its for the better, I will give it my best shot. Pls forgive me if you find me shallow or immature in some areas and given the chance, I would like to improve to be a better person at any point in time, you're always welcome to share with me your thoughts ...