No Point Forcing, Poor Excuse

'No point forcing' attitude is not very effective in the long run. There's of course 'a point' when you dont put anymore force for what's the use if the other person is not willing right? I think that's fair enough however, if you strech your minds and evaluate the effectiveness of parenting and community affairs etc.. we really need to exert some sort of 'force' in order to instill the basic good values and beliefs that one should have. So, perhaps the word 'force' is not appropriate.. as a matter of fact, it is 'guidance' .. 'consistent guidance' and 'consistent guidance at early age' .. up to a point when he or she is able to function independantly without much 'force' i.e. guidance.. the same stuffs, only diff people see it diff-ly putting diff names to it. What would this entail? Action .. means effort, means hardwork .. which alot of people would avoid.

As parents: Firstly, if you want your child to have good manners, to have good values - to be able to respect elderly, respect their parents (you in this case!) and take care of their parents (you in this case!) or any other issues of love, care and compassion - whatever you want to call it, you really have to show alot of it, make known of the examples so that they can visualize it and practice it. After all how much do they teach these sort of things at school? When its too late (when they are already married, have kids etc), you may not realize that you have in part of in whole part contributed to their 'attitute' .. whether its the end result of a filial boy or girl, you really have alot to do with it. Since other surrounding environment would shape the young minds, esp during their teenage years and esp even after they get married - spouse, work friends etc therefore, consistent guidance need to drag on longer than you think! If you stop early, you wont be able to see your seeds yield a good tree .. as a result, you may suffer the negative consequences. So, the first thing you should realize is that you play a part in this negative outcome and don't let it eat you up, esp, if you're already older, feeling all too dissappointed with life, heart-broken that your kids are not treating you the way you should after all you have done .. Once you realize that you too are responsible for this, then you have the opportunity to be more forgiving. That means turning this realization into a positive act. When you can do this, you are already in control of your life .. not breaking down crying silently saves you alot of heartache. Is it then too late to cont sew the seed you planted? Maybe the tree has already died .. you can't plant another seed, you're too old for it now, you're even retired and still no money for your old days. Well ... make do with whatever we have for now, and pray for your kids, pray for yourself and fight the monster inside you, don't feed the monster and turn yourself into a sobby beast. Start showing good examples of good things to do, express your examples by words and actions - consistently. This is of course the toughest part... but I feel, we only gain, never lose.

As sons or daughters: If you did not have the liberty of an up-bringing full of compassion and kind acts that your parents could have shown, express to you and instill (failed) in you .. you have to quickly realize this and not let your 'free-thinking' self take you to the dark side. Grab on to some 'guidance', whether its faith in God, good friends, good relatives, good spouse .. identify good people around you and stick around with them. See how they treat their parents, their family, relatives and friends .. Follow their good examples. This way, though its more hard work for you, and esp. to start late .. (even if you're married) would definitely change you for the better. Be consistent with the guidance you have found and practice it for years, till the end of time. That way, as time goes by, you will automatically be transformed into a good person, a filial son or daughter and more to come .... If you spend most of your time with people who are more self-centered, you too will become one quickly in a matter of time, that's why its important you shape your surroundings in such a manner that it gives you a positive platform to cultivate good values .... The best thing that could happen to a person is to have to spend the rest of his or her life with a person who inspires others to be a better person. If you find yourself transforming for the better, give credit to your other half for he or she inspired your transformation.. If you find yourself becoming worst and worst off (and its probably hard to realize this once you are already in the darkside - but you can see from signs around you, isolation from family and loved ones etc) then you should know you're spending too much time with negative sources .. which does affect your positive transformation. Show yourself the way for if you don't you may not have anyone else to show you the way ...

As parents-in-laws: Show good examples to the younger generation how they should treat their parents. If you see something not quite right, point it out to them for they may not have had the opportunity to grow with widsom. He or she may not be your natural born son or daughter but is now part of your family, show them the way when opportunity presents themselves. You may not realize it and its easy to be ignorant and self-centered, but open up your eyes and you shall see there's so much you can do for others for the better. As long as your intentions are good, you can always find an effective way to communicate to the younger generation without striking a fight. Keep silence is the worst thing one could do, esp if we are the more elderly ones, and we let our inlaws cont to make mistakes simply because they are not our natural born kids.

As a spouse: We may be struggling together with our other half if esp. we are of about the same age, still learning things and not much ahead from the other. We may be even struggling ourselves with our own faith in God, alot of things in our 'to-do' list .. Having to juggle with so many things 'to-do' in life, try to find a balance so that we also consider the well being of our other half. We don't have to force anything upon the other, but share with them the 'guidance' that you already have, share with them the 'goodness' that you can identify in you, and guide them to the way where they can be a better person, not let them walk into the path of darkess. You may think its OK, after all it's not your life, though you're married .. you may feel as long as you have some money in the bank then you're secured .. but if you're aware the other half is not doing things quite right, its wise to show them the way .. and you don't even have to force, you could gently point it out to them. Esp. challenging is, if showing them the way would result in you losing the benefits and priorities you are currently experiencing .. as a human being, you would automatically avoid doing the right thing .. Pray for yourself, that you shall be less self-centered, less self-focus, and more people-oriented. Do not hold on to so much treasures for these treasures are accumulated at the expense of your spouse. You may be better off but he/she will be worst off in the long-run, this means we only focus on our own well-being.

Ensure that your spouse stays connected to his family (parents, siblings, relatives), and friends. This means TIME & MONEY. Though you know that if he spends time with them means less time with you, share him with his family, who has brought him up, gave him the life he has now, gave him the education for him to make money for your family now. Be with him when he is with his family (and enjoy the moments with his family) for he will be proud that you stand by him and willing to get to know his family. If you don't show him the way, no one else can for your are the next person closest to him. Though you know that if he gives some money to them means less for you, let him share his money with his family too for many good reasons that we do not need to even justify upon ..