Sorry Mom & Dad

Bad night for me. I reached a point where I realized I have no control over alot of things and I could still accept the fact about not getting my fav things in life, but my one heart desire, to be able to continuously support MM and DD with their basic financial needs .. I realized to day I cannot do it because I cannot win over HB. Tears flow down my face right away and my little precious one said to me, 'Dont' worry Mommy, I will take care of you' .. although she didn't know the details, but for me to know how much she cared about standing by my side, made me so very happy. I still sobbed all night and challenged myself to stay positive .. but it didn't really work. I finally decided to call DD and tell him how sorry I am .. tell him my heart desires and I know he would understand. I only feel so torned inside because this is the last last last thing I ever wanted to say to them. Perhaps this is the way God work in me, perhaps there is something good out of it and I need to put trust in this. To do it His way .. and not to rebel against His wishes.. and right here on Earth, not to rebel against HB's wishes. The next morning .. I woke up with renewed directions.. always refering back to being a help-meet and decided to put aside all my own wishes and heart desires .. and find ways to reassure HB that we'll just do it the way he wanted it - without provoking his defensiveness. He is pleased and life goes on a happy journey, at least for him. As for me, I am sure I will find it as I can already smell it.