Karma Can End

The thing about karma is that there's a start and an end (don't forget the ending part, its important to appreciate the significance of it!)... Don't worry too much if bad things are happening and you end up wondering 'why me? why this? why, why why ...' no need to spend too much time on why, just remember, if this is not 100% accurate it is almost 90% accurate .. We Are Responsible For Our Own Actions .. though understanding karma is more than just the law of cause and effect (which I don't claim I know a whole lot of it) but it has help me tremendously in my life .. and I can see a better me, and heading towards the brighter side of things. Ever wonder why sometimes you cannot be that nice, goody person whom you want your friends to see you as? Or end up always saying nasty things to the people you love, esp the closest ones, the ones whom would almost always accomodate your fussiness? Well, its convenient to blame them for making you say or do nasty things.. even blaming our own friends (without us realizing it) but its really not them, its just us, our own self .. once our 'bad karma' ends, you will realize you then have the opportunity to be that nice person, to be that person who would not say nasty things, and not face so much of those barriers 'to be a nice person'... we really cannot force this through.. no matter how sincere you may be at that time, sincerely isn't enough, Why not? Isn't sincerety good enough, as long as we have good intentions? Yes, good intentions are good for new actions which will affect the future 'u' but for whatever you are suffering now and wanting to pick up the pace and be that 'nice person', we need more than just sincerity, we need good MERITS to be able to cont doing good. And so the saying the rich becomes richer? The poor becomes poorer? It's the same, the good become better, the bad become worst .. we just have to break that cycle..... so, do more good now to have the credibility and merit to enjoy a happier and peaceful, less miserable life.. (forget about the past you have done - whether you realize it or not, and embrace the suffering you are going through now, smile about it sometimes, tell youself, its OK, let me focus on my present acts and future consequences...) I used to observe and wonder many year ago, I almost always end up saying hurtful things to the one man I love, and I do, I do, I do love him and am very sincere about my love and our relationship, and yet, almost always cannot be that nice one .. I could see but I could not avoid making more and more painful mistakes .. saying negative things which I wish I wouldn't say.. its almost like, 'lost control'.. I was just marking more and more negative karma ..I remember wondering, hey, why you keep making me say those things? Obviously, it was me, not him! But I realized now in the recent years ever since I met LG, that cycle of continuous creation of negative karma had just completely dissapeared.. well of course I still make mistakes, occasionally say some not-so-nice things (but very rare no more and so very easy to control), and its all so natural now.. its just amazing and feels good to be out of the vicious cycle (perhaps go into another cycle, ha -- that's besides the point) .. now, I feel so much at peace with myself and others around me, and I can see, filled with alot of nice people around me too.. I am not so easily affected by some nasty things other people say or do (not because I am immune to it, I still tune in to it) but I embrace the talks.. accept it as a gift, a positive things, a blessing in disguise.. I feel, life is pretty simple these days.. even matters including working to feed the family and my parents.. though we're not rich, yet I don't feel miserable about it, infact I constantly feel very blessed with whatever that's happening around me ... Eventhough, for some very critical people, it may seem I am not living a lovey-dovey life but for some reasons, I feel I am so freed from so much of those internal suffering and emotional nets, and thus happier. Back then, people will always tell me how lucky I am to have KW (which of course I believe so too) and he is just super magnificant, excellant guy and bf, but silently I was going through alot of internal suffering (as in my own life, the way I see things..) .. friends, family etc not knowing how to resolve and come to peace with people and things around me. KW had always been there for me too, despite all that, he cannot free me from my suffering.. his fault? Noh, can he? Noh, its me, just me.. Here I am today, on and off just feeling how lucky I have been - I feel alot of happiness around me ..though from the outside, people may judge how tough life is for me and how good life is for others where they have their other half take care of financials, give them shopping money, no need to work, have a maid etc .. Certainly, I acknowledge thats easier life, better life and good life but I choose not to see a happy life as defined by just those factors, and choose to view internal happiness as the seed of all other happiness around one's life.. hope to build this value in me more and I know, practice will make things happen ..